From the caregiver's perspective

 Scott is almost 2700 miles into this 11,000-mile cycle trip! Today he is biking fron just outside of Washington DC to Fredericksburg VA, which will be his 17th state.   Scott is doing fantastic! His mental, emotional, and physical stamina is  truly extraordinary.  

If you have followed Scott’s story, you know that he was 53, healthy, very active and completely uninterested in having a physical when I pestered him ( true statement) about getting a checkup.   He had zero symptoms and felt great when he was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer. The cancer was found through a simple blood test, a PSA test. It was confirmed with a biopsy.   At that time Scott did not know what a PSA test was and had not had one done before.  It was a real punch in the gut to both of us.

Scott and I were married late fall of 2017.  All but the first two months of our marriage has been an ongoing cancer battle. When it is not directly in our forethought with active treatment – he has been through a radical prostatectomy, radiation, hormone therapy, chemotherapy, and remains on hormone therapy to this day – it is always in the back of our minds with the “what comes next.”  He is stage 4 and has been told his cancer is terminal. 

During this year long cycle trip we are “only” getting his tests ( PSA  blood test, and pet scans,) and his next Lupron shot, twice.  No one likes waiting to go for the tests, and wondering what the tests will show.  Waiting is hard.   Over the last 6 years we have done much waiting.   We are heading back for the next testing and treatment at Mayo the end of this month.

 When Scott’s cancer metastasized to his bones it meant it will always be there.  According to Dr. Kwon, even when we cannot see it, it is there “sleeping.”   Scott is not “in remission.”  The cancer is simply not growing right now, or at least we don’t think it is.   

So as a caregiver, and now as his support person on this cycle trip, how do I manage?    Scott and I have both learned to put aside what we cannot control and what we don’t know.  I admit he is better at it than I am as I continually want to plan, and you just can’t plan for everything – not in life and certainly not on this trip.  From the time that he first said he wanted to bike around the perimeter, 11,000 miles, I was scared for his safety and overwhelmed about the magnitude of the project. I am the planner, and this required a whole lot of planning. But it also requires letting go, daily. We focus on the gift of each day and how precious life is.  We know there are no guarantees.   Our faith helps us immensely.  Many times we have been reduced to tears, but we go through it and focus on what we can control: being grateful, our blessings and the gift of life.  I would like to think I am Scott’ s biggest cheerleader ( though his brother and mother and kids are right up there with me! ).  I know I am deeply blessed for each day with Scott, even through all the challenges, and each day I am grateful. So while I get sad, scared and overwhelmed, I use those tools of prayer, gratitude and turning it over to function. Special shout out to our family and friends, including new ZERO prostate cancer friends who have been so supportive along the way! It's prostate cancer awareness month the whole month of September. Spread the word about early detection, share our story and mission. Remember donations are tripled and all are appreciated. Thank you! www.milesformoney.org